Lent: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

I've been pussy-footing around this post for awhile now, too afraid to write it but too afraid not to write it.  Sex is a sensitive subject, and there's a lot of shame wrapped up in it.  So as I am writing this post, I want to claim for you and me that while we were still enemies of God, He fought to save us (Romans 5:10). And that "where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." (Rom. 5:20) So here we go...

In talking with single friends, sex (or lack there of) is often the first, and most pressing, issue that comes up.

"I mean, I have needs, ok?!"

Yeah, me too.  Our bodies want sex. It's just the way it is, I guess. What's more: sexual pleasure is lauded in our culture as the ultimate pleasure.  Without it, I've often believed the lie that I'm not totally living.

In our hook-up culture, the idea of purity or virginity becomes a little bit muddied, too.  Lines get crossed, exceptions are made, and boundaries become less about honoring God with our bodies and more about how far we can push them without feeling guilty later.

In some ways, it's been a mercy that the opportunity to have sex hasn't presented itself to me in awhile. If I'm honest, I don't know if I could resist a sexual relationship with someone I loved right now. Particularly because I've been doubting God's goodness in my singleness, it would be so easy to just give in and go my own way. I wish I could say that delighting God gives me the greatest delight, but unfortunately, where this is concerned, it's just not true. But I can certainly pray to that end.

I recently saw a book in the Christian section of McKay's entitled Sexless in the City: A Memoir of Reluctant Chastity. What a breath of fresh air to see someone being real about how choosing not to have sex can kind of just suck sometimes.

But I have to admit, I'm not really making "waiting" an easier on myself. Without going into the nitty gritty details, I'm not exactly shielding my eyes or mind from things that I know cause me to... ahem... burn?  Rick Warren says that a little sin is like being a little pregnant: it shows itself eventually.  And that's proven true for me in my thought-life, unfortunately.  It seems that the Bible is right again: Actions lead where our thoughts have first paved the way.

And while Scripture doesn't draw a hardline about what kind of foreplay is okay, Jesus is pretty clear that our minds and hearts are to be kept pure.  His words in Matthew 5 are crystal clear and always convicting...

If this is a struggle for you the way it is for me, I encourage you to check out this article that a friend sent me a few years back.  Churchill is honest and direct in ways that I'm a little too sheepish to be, examining deeper motivation behind sexual fantasy, and looking at practical steps to help.