You know it's been awhile since you've been on a date when the twenty-year-old librarian says you are "very attractive" and you get all flushed and stumble over yourself awkwardly. But Lent's forty days are over and so is my fast from dating! If you're just tuning in, I'd suggest starting at the beginning -- this will make much more sense that way.
Here are some closing thoughts about what this full, rich Lenten season was like for me.
Dating Detox
In the same way that sometimes your body needs to detox, I needed a cleanse from dating. It was time to take a step back, gather my thoughts, and take inventory of my heart and its many drives and motivations.
I must admit -- it has been such a relief to not date. I actually enjoyed it. Silencing that urge to flirt has been wonderful, and I can be more authentic with guys now. I like who I am when I'm just enjoying someone's company, instead of scanning through check-lists to determine someone's eligibility.
What's more, I've come to realize how many people I love. Closing off the option to date has opened my eyes to all the beautiful, blossoming friendships around me. It's given me a new appreciation for this community, my church, coworkers, and family. These past forty days was worth it just for that!
While I've honestly enjoyed Lent, I would be lying if I said that this "dating detox" made me totally content in my singleness and that now I am completely free from any desire to date. That just isn't true, and I doubt that it will ever be. But "freedom from the desire" was never really what I was after. Instead, I hoped to gain a new perspective on my desires; to see God as He truly is: a Giver of good gifts, who will never withhold any good thing from His children. I think God has shown up in beautiful ways this Lent to remind of just that.
And while the thought of dying alone with eleven cats, frizzy hair, and broccoli stuck between my front teeth still sort of terrifies me, I'm choosing to remember what is true: No amount of cats, or broccoli, nor singleness or divorce, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (My own spin on Romans 8:38-39.)
The Beauty of the Present
In His fascinating and unexpected ways, God has used this Lenten season to remind me of how fleeting and fragile life is. Despite illusions of control and our plans for tomorrow, all we are ever guaranteed is this present moment. It's hard to live into that fully when you're constantly waiting and searching for a different, "better" life. God has been asking me to lay down my expectations of what life "should" be, and come alive -- where I am, as the woman I am, in this totally unique moment.
And what a gift this present moment is, if only we have the eyes to see it; to look at life through the lens of a child -- not jaded, or tired, or irritated that things didn't go our way. But with a soft belly, tall spine, and open hands, ready to receive the mysteries of life as they come -- trusting in the kind and gracious heart of our Father.
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