On Loving God, But Not Very Much

At any given moment in the past couple of weeks, looking through my iTunes library, one would find the song “What Do I Know of Holy” by Addison Road on repeat.  The honesty and rawness of this song has captivated me.  I can listen to it quietly; I can belt it shamelessly; I can beat my hands against the steering wheel while I'm driving.

I really like this song. 

But not just for the melody or the driving rhythm. I like it for exposing the truth that is in me – that is in all of us.

Do I really love God or do I love His blessings?

I can spit a pretty good game – I even have myself fooled half the time.  But when push comes to shove, when life’s tiny tragedies and major disappointments set in, do I really fear and love Him? Or what He gives?

Because we talk so much of a near and present God, I sometimes forget where I actually stand before the One who spins the Universe in the palm of His hands.

I am a faithless whore; a selfish brat; a "sniveling coward" next to Him. (Tim Keller’s sermon “On the Mountain”)

So what do I know of God?

Of the God who makes the deep tremble, the earth shake, the lightning light up the sky, and yet leaves no footprints. (Psalm 77)

The God who roars like a jealous lion, fiercely beckoning His children back to Him. (Hosea 11)

The God who perfectly measured the foundations of the earth, who shut the doors of the sea, who commands the sun to rise every morning. (Job 38)

The God who knows every wish my heart has ever whispered. (Psalm 139)

Frankly, He knocked the breath out of me: a sweet reminder that I have nothing to offer Him. 

That He laughs at my bargaining devices.

That He is not to be tamed, controlled, or manipulated.

That all I need to gain an audience with Him is to drink grace down - to guzzle it like the thirsty beggar I am.

That I must come to Him empty-handed, or not at all.

“Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalm 42:7-8