Loosening the Great Girdle: On Control

Let’s talk for a minute about control.

We have this one life. Just this one here on earth. The world tells us: make it count! Follow your heart! Achieve your dreams!

And yet so little of life is actually in our control. In fact, if you really chase this rabbit trail of thought, we can easily see how the fact that we are alive, breathing, thinking, rational creatures has very little to do with US. I could get in my car, drive down the road, and my life could literally all be over. (And good morning to YOU too!) When you look at life in this way, the fact that my lungs are filling with air, converting Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen and then releasing Carbon Dioxide into the atmosphere is truly miraculous!

So if I literally cannot control this life force that is within me, what can I control?

My response to life’s delights, hiccups, or tragedies.

This is not to say that we should live reactively or that we should not have some agency in our life’s direction. What I mean, instead, is what so many wise people have shared with me this year:

We are not responsible for the outcome, we are only responsible for our faithfulness to God’s call.

This is so freeing.  We don’t have to be afraid of failure or tragedy! Hardship will come no matter how meticulously we try to control our environment – great workers get fired; great husbands lose their wives; great athletes get injured; great nations experience famine; great artists fail to receive the recognition their work deserves.

Fear of these things cannot and should not stop us from living freely. Don’t expect an easy life – but expect a FULL life, trusting the Lord’s provision for us.  After all, this life is so fleeting - we have a better, fuller, freer, more glorious life waiting for us. There, according to Revelation 21:4, Jesus will wipe away every tear…

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The Worm

The Worm

These people
their habits and manner
the way their words gently
but persistently
slide underneath my skin
sink into my chest
and chisel away at my heart.
Hands that move
to shape
shift
mould
create
change.
Eyes that see me
that patiently
steadfastly
love me despite.

I am uncomfortable
even angry.
I want to shout, to puke.
I want to run.

Mercy makes me ache.
I squirm and fidget
beneath the weight of it,
writhing
fighting
like an unearthed worm
dug up from the cold dirt,
brought into the irresistible sun.
Give me what I deserve,
I scream.

You listen and wait
with warm space
and tender eyes.
You are not afraid of me.

Definition

Lately, my heart and mind have been thinking on a few verses and song lyrics.

Specifically:

“I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom,
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection.”

As well as:

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.’” 1 Corinthians 1:27-31

And finally:

“Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant – not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 2 Corinthians 3:5-6

I don’t have much to communicate about this apart from the fact that the Lord has been impressing upon me that I must absolutely have a firm grasp and understanding on what defines and identifies me.  It seems to me that I have two choices:

1. I can allow this world to define me.  I can choose to be identified by a successful (or unsuccessful) career. I can choose to be defined by my relationships (good or bad). I can choose to be identified by living up to a moral or ethical code. Or I can choose to be defined by how I measure up to those around me.

2. I can allow Christ and His work on the Cross to be my identity.

Really, those are the only two options we have in this life.  Neither option promises happiness, but option 2 provides so much more than happiness: it provides freedom.

So much of my mental energy is spent fretting over things because, if I am honest with myself, that is where I place my hope.  At the core of my being, I believe that if this one job would work out, if this one person would approve of me, if this one plan would come into fruition, or if this one situation would take a turn for the better, if this one family member were healthy, if I could perform better in this area of life, that somehow things would all fall into place.

That’s just a lie.  And living that way leaves us exhausted, disillusioned, and bitter. Or worse: numb.

But living out of our identity as a beloved child of God allows us to look at the world and our circumstances in a totally new way. Pressure’s off! Those things we fret and obsess over may affect our circumstances, but they cannot touch the core of our being, what defines us, or what we place our hope in. This does not mean we will always be “happy” – but it does provide us with the only sense of security, belonging, and worthiness that is lasting. I hope you are as encouraged by this as I am.